Unlike my namesake I am not coterminous with all time and space, therefore I have to set a reasonable limit to the time I spend with each activity I love. Blogging has thus far grabbed the shitty end of the stick.
I am pleased that Obama prevailed, Watchmen was kind of meh, and Flight of the Conchords is my current favorite TV show.
For this post I will review the 5 (At Least Somewhat) Famous Women that I both admire and have an inappropriate crush on:
5. Amelie Gillette
Who?:
Amelie Gillette regularly writes snarky blog entries in a personal column called "The Hater" for the AV Club, my one true fount of pop culture knowledge. I have read nearly every post for more than 2 years. She effortlessly devours all that is popular culture and spits it back out in a form that teaches us all that celebrities are needlessly stupid and worthy of our hilarious contempt. She saves us the effort of having to be clever for ourselves. And she is from New Orleans!Why The Crush Is Inappropriate:
I feel that any mistake I made would be magnified in her eyes. She runs a blog called the HATER. Sure, she would make me laugh, but were I ever to displease her I would face the terrible wrath of her razor sharp wit. Within a month she would have shredded my manhood and reduced me to a whimpering bitch.
4. Feist
Who?:Leslie Feist is Canadian Hipster Alternative Rock Female Jesus. And she is pretty hot.
Why the crush is inappropriate:
She exists on a different wavelength of reality than the rest of the puny man-animals that surround her. I could no more have and continue a relationship with her than a normal person could marry a neanderthal. My primitive humanity would be an insult to her transcendent ways.
3. Ana Marie Cox
Who?:Ana Marie Cox is an ironic liberal blogger and twitterer who displays a gentle contempt for everyone who isn't Ana Marie Cox in Washington. She is funny, clever, smart, and very hot. Imagine Lorelai Gilmore as an online political commentator who occasionally talks to Rachel Maddow, only without the hugs, life lessons and witty daughter.
Why the crush is inappropriate:
See Amelie Gillette.
2. Felicia Day
Who?:
An exciteable 20something actress and certifiable HOT! redhead. She has appeared on Buffy (one of my favorite t
elevision shows), Dr. Horrible (a wonderfully funny online film), and produces her own online series called "The Guild" which is creative and frequently hilarious. She has a strong online presence via Twitter and her own online website.
elevision shows), Dr. Horrible (a wonderfully funny online film), and produces her own online series called "The Guild" which is creative and frequently hilarious. She has a strong online presence via Twitter and her own online website.She is also basically a genius. She went to college at the age of 16, and graduated with straight As in mathematics and violin performance.
As Penny Arcade once said, "Felicia Day is a person. Felicia day is a holiday that I celebrate in my heart."
Why the crush is inappropriate:
There is no way, as perfect as she is, that she is not some sort of robot whose sole goal is to gather intelligence on the human race so that her cyborg superiors can invade our timeline and kill us all.
1. Tegan Quin/Sara Quin
Who?: Musical goddesses. The two lead members of my favorite band. My pop culture idols. I have a sense of humor about some things I like - however I do not tolerate snarkiness nor criticism aimed at Tee-Tee and Sa-Sa.
They are better than you.
Why the crush is inappropriate: Sadly both Tegan and Sara are lesbians. Not sadly like there is something wrong with that...just, you know...they like the ladies and I am not...the ladies.
